It’s been very educational dipping my toes into the murky waters of online dating again. The first shock was creating a profile and being spoiled for choice when identifying one’s sexuality. Apparently, as well as the boring old straight, gay and bi, some people strongly identify as asexual, demisexual, heteroflexible, homoflexible, pansexual (as opposed to bisexual), queer questioning, or sapiosexual. You can tick up to five categories if your situation is on the complicated side. Phew!
I’ve also learned that some guys have had bad experiences with bunny boilers, and that not having a chode is a source of pride for others (as in “Basically I like sex and sex and i’m good at it so ladies get on the end of it and i dont have a chode”.
If that temptation was not enough, I heard from a pansexual dude in a polyamorous relationship (well actually, ployamaorous of nearly 20 years, who likes to perform improvised comedy and has two amazing kids. Friday nights he stays at home with aforementioned amazing kids while his wife goes out on dates, but Saturday nights are a whole different story, and are wide open for more polyamorous adventures. Suddenly I felt kinda naive looking for the regular ole one guy one girl commitment thing. At the other extreme, I next heard from a “normal guy just looking for a normal guy and normal life”. Obviously he hadn’t read my profile; anyone who knows me that “normal” doesn’t describe my life. Perhaps somewhere in the middle please?
One was busy with “health issues” (cancer); another was ” just taking things slow right now, because i just recover from heart attack recently, but will be resuming working tomorrow”. Possibly not the strongest suit to have on your profile, but I hope there’s a girl out there who loves nothing better than a good heart attack, and can’t wait to nurse him back to health. Maybe he has a nurse fetish.
In a similar vein of low expectations while facing mortality, one guy told the world, “It’s not likely I’ll ever be a multi – millionaire, but what I have is yours, when I die.” Shared between every girl who viewed his profile of course.
Finally, Largetreat (already very very bad, who chooses that kind of username?) told me that “Although it would be so much more fun to tell our friends that we met as our eyes locked as we were reaching for the mangos in Whole Foods, the reality is that we might never meet since I no longer like mangos. I should point out that there is a Dominant streak in there.. Care to bring it out?”
Obviously the mangoes were a front. Unlike Largetreat, I do still like mangoes, but the odds of me and Largetreat getting together are slim. And that’s okay.
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