Most. Hurtful. Misogynistic. Profile. Ever.

Warning…this is ugly. And I quote..

“You are not some special gem of a woman that’s just picky and hasn’t found the right guy yet. Chances are you’re a little more than ‘a few extra pounds’ over weight, are not very attractive, have kids or have some sort of abrasive character trait that has rendered you un-f*ckable by every other guy you’ve come across in real life. If neither of these are the case then congratulations you are here for the same reason I am – to get laid. (Unless you are some unfortunate combination of more than one of those things)

 This does not give you the right to type out an entire ‘about me’ section with the type of guys who cannot message you (ie. if you’re short don’t message me, if you’re black don’t message me, if you’re just looking for sex don’t message me) listen up girls, you are on PLENTY O’ FISH not Australia’s most eligible bachelorette list – take what ever you can get!

 We know you are ‘fun and ‘outgoing’, we also know that you ‘like to have a good time and stay active’ and that ‘you never really know what to write in these little boxes’ (Because you’re so f*cking fascinating words cannot even begin to describe you in all your glory)… No girl on earth tries to attract potential mates with “I like to stay home and play WoW while I kill the batteries in my big purple dildo thinking of that guy on the bus who brushed up against my arm”… Try coming up with something original, something REAL… And no song lyrics are not original, nor is talking about yourself in 3rd person or telling everybody how unique and different you are. You are a woman, there are over 3 billion of you on earth and although you may have differences in appearance and girth, you’re all the same really.

 Now if you’re still reading this and you want to come over to my place, booze it up and get laid, then send me a message. Am I going to bang you and never talk to you again? Maybe. Are you ever gonna call me again? Maybe, we’ll see how it goes. I’m not saying it won’t turn into something more but let’s get serious, why go through the games and bullsh*t when we’re both playing for the same end game.”

Purple Frock: (deep breath) I just hope that a. his inbox remains empty, b. women manage avoid crossing his path until he has a major attitude shift, and c. that he never tries contacting me again.  (Another deep breath,  some vague attempt to feel compassion and kindness, and fighting the urge to close my online profile). I know there are better men out there. As Bon Jovi once yelled, “You give love a bad name.” Shame on you. 

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