A hippy counsellor type once told me that the men one attracts is a reflection of what one is projecting. If that is true, I’m still to work this one out.
I emerged somewhat reluctantly from my dating hiatus, and decided to join Tinder, along with everyone else in the single (or not so single) population. There was much left swiping, occasionally cursing the accidental left swipe, and the rare right swipe. Pretty soon I was chatting with a lovely nerd: a science lecturer at UQ, avid reader, podcaster, fit, and funny. He had dated a cellist in his past, loved classical music and the arts, learnt Japanese for fun, and had two cute little redhead boys 50% of the time. One of his opening lines was to ask what I was currently reading. This is a fraught question for two nerds scoping each other out, but we both passed each other’s snobbish reading standards, and soon messages were flying back and forth. Tinder hey, not only one night stands after all.
Unfortunately (or fortunately), I was struck down with the female equivalent of man-flu, and had to cancel our first date. I reassured ScienceNerd that I wasn’t brushing him off, and would organise an outing once I was my glamorous self again (or had resumed to health, whichever came first After a week of blobbing on the couch with a box of tissues, alternating with morning and afternoon naps, I was ready to risk my first Tinder real-time date.
Drama hit pretty soon. ScienceNerd broke the news that while I had been fighting off the Worst Cold Ever, he had meanwhile met someone, and fallen really hard. Whatever. The next part caught me by surprise though. I learned that while he normally waits until the first date to break this news (uh-oh) he wanted to tell me that he was polyamorous. He thought I was really interesting and lovely, and was quite confused because he still did really want to meet me as well. There was room for more than one in his heart.
May I remind you dear readers, this man is a nerd. Not some hot swarthy Argentinian with a sexy accent and charm to burn, we’re talking a super nerdy, glasses-wearing, pasty-skinned type. (Which I can find quite attractive on occasion, incidentally). My sister’s more brutal assessment of his profile photo was that she hoped he was lovely, because he wasn’t much to look at. Was this a post-recent-divorce fantasy on his part? Wishful thinking? Trying his luck? How on earth can someone fit multiple relationships, a full time job, and the solo care of two young children 3-4 days a week? It also occurred to me that he hadn’t revealed the gender of his new love. Would he wait until date no 2 to tell me he was also bi? What would I find out on date no 3??
As I told ScienceNerd, while I consider myself quite open-minded about many issues, I’m an old-fashioned romantic. One at a time please. Perhaps my hippy counsellor would say that attracting a polyamorist means I’m not ready to return to online dating. May synchronicity do its thing instead!